Friday evening I stayed at work until about 6:30 and then headed over to a bowling alley where my wife had a small event going on.
I debated even going to this event. I didn't really know anybody there and the only thing that pushed me was a chance to bowl. I hadn't bowled in over 3 years. But even that was questionable as it was leagues night and I had no idea when they would be done. It wasn't that far from work, and it was a Friday, so I figured I'd just head over and play it by ear. If I can't bowl by around 8pm I'd split home, take the dog for a walk and probably hang with the neighbors.
I had thrown my ball and shoes bag in the car that morning so I showed up, ready to bowl around 7 and had a Labatt Blue while sitting with a bunch of strangers in a meeting that I didn't really have anything in common with hoping the leagues might end early. Tick tock, a couple dozen people chatting away while I'm pretending to listen and my beer is running out. I noticed a lady who returned with a tall dark amber draft beer that looked delicious so I went and asked her what it was; "October Fest, they have it on special". Twist my arm, I'll wait awhile longer with one of those! At 8:30 I was about 1/2 way into an October Fest and the leagues all clear out, time to bowl!
I bowled two games by my self and frankly I wasn't bowling worth a crap. Everything was off, the ball came back dripping with oil, my spin was nonexistent, balance was all off... I couldn't land anything consistently. One of the people from the meeting that I kinda knew came over and had also brought their ball and wanted to bowl, so I ordered up a couple more games and another draft. I figured I'm not bowling great but hey, it's the whole reason I'm here so lets go! I got better once I got used to the oil and was throwing a fast (16mph+) ball with very little arc. We bowled a few games till about 10pm when the event finished up and most people left. My wife and a couple other people decided they wanted to bowl too. Everyone was drinking and whenever the drinks were getting low someone would offer to go get more. I had had 4 of the October Fests when I realized that they were too heavy and not agreeing with the bowling alley pizza I had, so I switched to Bud light. I had 2 of those while we bowled 3 more games.
For me it was 8 games total and I was getting tired. That and it was now close to 1am and the alley was closing up. At about a beer an hour I didn't feel drunk or impaired, just tired, so driving wasn't really a concern. About 1/2 way home on the expressway my fuzzbuster lit up with instant on radar, I immediately looked at my speed and was right at about 80mph so I let off the gas. Everyone else was doing 80+ so I didn't think much of it, but I was in the slow lane and way behind me I saw some headlights pull out on the expressway. It took a good mile before they caught up to me, they weren't racing to catch me it seemed, but then the lights came on...
Stopped for speeding, but that didn't matter
Police behind me with lights a flashing I slowed down, put on my turn signal and looked for a safe place to pull over. A young officer walked up to my car asked for my license and proof of insurance and then said "do you know why I pulled you over?". Asking me to testify against my self, I simply said "I was doing about 80?". He said they clocked me at 81mph, then asked if I had been drinking anything tonight. Here's where I made a terrible mistake, I said that I had a beer at the bowling alley. For some reason I was thinking that honesty might get me some points as I knew he could probably smell beer on me.
No points, I had just handed him 'probable cause'! He had me step out of the car, searched me and explained that he's going to do a field sobriety test. It was warm out, the only sounds were light traffic on the expressway and it was fairly bright because we had stopped near an exit with street lights. He first had me stand on one leg and put my arms out for awhile, which I did without any trouble. Switch to the other leg with arms to the side, I didn't even wobble, pretended to be a statue. Then he had me stand normally with arms to the side and told me to keep my head perfectly still while following his pen light with my eyes. This went on for at least a minute but seemed like five. He kept stopping, then move a little, left right, up down, stop for a long time. It took so long that I felt like looking at him to ask how long this was going to take, but I never took my eyes off the light even for a second.
Feeling a tiny bit confident that I might actually pass this test he went on to explain how to walk in a strait line step by step, one in front of the other, heel toe and he demonstrate how to do it. He kept going on with instructions, and demonstrating, said to walk 9 steps, then walk back. I thought I had listened to every word and had it down, but after my 9 steps I reversed and he instantly said that I didn't follow the instructions and stopped the test. Guided me to the back of the cop car and had me sit. Then he pulled a portable breathalyser out of the trunk and asked if I would consent to blow. At this point I knew I was screwed. These cops didn't care how coherent I was nor how polite and complaint with this whole thing, they wanted a number and more importantly they wanted a DUI.
I blew a .10. I knew it was over the legal limit but just to confirm I asked if .08 was still the limit. Yep. They didn't mess around calling out a flat bed tow truck to pick up my car. They then put on hand cuffs while I was still in the back of the car, quite uncomfortable. After that I voiced my disbelief in their humanity that they would wreck my life over this, as if I was going to make them feel bad or something. They were almost giddy, both cops were quite young and who knows I might have been their first DUI. The initial speeding charge was never mentioned again, but they did ask how much money I had on me, which I thought was a little odd. I told them I only had about $4 as I had spent cash at the bowling alley. Then we were off to the police station.
No points, I had just handed him 'probable cause'! He had me step out of the car, searched me and explained that he's going to do a field sobriety test. It was warm out, the only sounds were light traffic on the expressway and it was fairly bright because we had stopped near an exit with street lights. He first had me stand on one leg and put my arms out for awhile, which I did without any trouble. Switch to the other leg with arms to the side, I didn't even wobble, pretended to be a statue. Then he had me stand normally with arms to the side and told me to keep my head perfectly still while following his pen light with my eyes. This went on for at least a minute but seemed like five. He kept stopping, then move a little, left right, up down, stop for a long time. It took so long that I felt like looking at him to ask how long this was going to take, but I never took my eyes off the light even for a second.
Feeling a tiny bit confident that I might actually pass this test he went on to explain how to walk in a strait line step by step, one in front of the other, heel toe and he demonstrate how to do it. He kept going on with instructions, and demonstrating, said to walk 9 steps, then walk back. I thought I had listened to every word and had it down, but after my 9 steps I reversed and he instantly said that I didn't follow the instructions and stopped the test. Guided me to the back of the cop car and had me sit. Then he pulled a portable breathalyser out of the trunk and asked if I would consent to blow. At this point I knew I was screwed. These cops didn't care how coherent I was nor how polite and complaint with this whole thing, they wanted a number and more importantly they wanted a DUI.
I blew a .10. I knew it was over the legal limit but just to confirm I asked if .08 was still the limit. Yep. They didn't mess around calling out a flat bed tow truck to pick up my car. They then put on hand cuffs while I was still in the back of the car, quite uncomfortable. After that I voiced my disbelief in their humanity that they would wreck my life over this, as if I was going to make them feel bad or something. They were almost giddy, both cops were quite young and who knows I might have been their first DUI. The initial speeding charge was never mentioned again, but they did ask how much money I had on me, which I thought was a little odd. I told them I only had about $4 as I had spent cash at the bowling alley. Then we were off to the police station.
Incarceration
At the police station they pulled the car through a garage door - interlock system. Everything gets locked up behind you before they open another door, and there were several very heavy doors with large locks on each before we got to the in-processing station. Once there I sat on a metal bench, still handcuffed, while they entered my life into computers to make sure my life would be miserable for years to come. I was quiet and compliant to all of their questions. At one point I asked if the cuffs are just standard protocol as I was obviously not a threat, they said yes, as I figured. I could imagine if someone was much more drunk than me, or on something else, they could really freak out at this point. They did 2 more breathalyser tests on a much larger machine, both times I blew a consistent .10. The machine printed out a ticket with all my info, calibration records, times, BAC and the officer signed it as this was Evidence Ticket used to incarcerate me and finalize the misdemeanor charge of OWI.
The finger printing process is all digital, basically using a black and white fax scanner. It took a lot of scans, each finger, whole hand and even the pinky side of my hand at which I joked "is this one in case I karate chop something?", they laughed. They used a chart to calculate how long it would take for my BAC to be at a safe limit to be released on my own, which was about 2 and 1/2 hours. They then bagged up everything I had except for pants, shirt and socks and since I didn't have the $100 bond on me they gave me my cell phone so I could arrange for someone to pick me up and post the bond after the waiting period. Then we went through a couple more heavy doors, they handed me a thick cotton blanket and locked me in a holding cell. I was the only one in there and it was a very large room with wood laminate flooring, a stainless toilet and sink in one corner, 20 foot white walls, 4 windows embedded with metal mesh on the entry side, lit like a racquetball court and a single camera up in one corner. I just laid down, head swirling with all that had just happened.
About 4 hours later an officer opened up the door and led me out. I was a little groggy but still with it. Back in the in-processing station there was a young lady that they had brought in sitting on the bench and as soon as we walked in she flopped down on the floor and started crawling around wildly. The officer and I just walked around her but I noticed that she wasn't cuffed and wondered why nobody was restraining her. She was obviously out of her mind on something and who knows she could have crawled over and bit me or something. I got a bag of all my stuff, signed a release and went out to where my ride had been patiently waiting for over an hour and 1/2. We paid the bond of $100 but there was another $20 fee that needed to be paid at the police station in order to release my car, except it was too early and nobody was available to take that payment yet. So we went home, crashed a few hours and then drove back to the police station so we could pay the $20 fee so that we could go find the towing company and pay their $85 fee to actually get my car back.
Costs:
The finger printing process is all digital, basically using a black and white fax scanner. It took a lot of scans, each finger, whole hand and even the pinky side of my hand at which I joked "is this one in case I karate chop something?", they laughed. They used a chart to calculate how long it would take for my BAC to be at a safe limit to be released on my own, which was about 2 and 1/2 hours. They then bagged up everything I had except for pants, shirt and socks and since I didn't have the $100 bond on me they gave me my cell phone so I could arrange for someone to pick me up and post the bond after the waiting period. Then we went through a couple more heavy doors, they handed me a thick cotton blanket and locked me in a holding cell. I was the only one in there and it was a very large room with wood laminate flooring, a stainless toilet and sink in one corner, 20 foot white walls, 4 windows embedded with metal mesh on the entry side, lit like a racquetball court and a single camera up in one corner. I just laid down, head swirling with all that had just happened.
About 4 hours later an officer opened up the door and led me out. I was a little groggy but still with it. Back in the in-processing station there was a young lady that they had brought in sitting on the bench and as soon as we walked in she flopped down on the floor and started crawling around wildly. The officer and I just walked around her but I noticed that she wasn't cuffed and wondered why nobody was restraining her. She was obviously out of her mind on something and who knows she could have crawled over and bit me or something. I got a bag of all my stuff, signed a release and went out to where my ride had been patiently waiting for over an hour and 1/2. We paid the bond of $100 but there was another $20 fee that needed to be paid at the police station in order to release my car, except it was too early and nobody was available to take that payment yet. So we went home, crashed a few hours and then drove back to the police station so we could pay the $20 fee so that we could go find the towing company and pay their $85 fee to actually get my car back.
Costs:
| Bond | $100 |
| Vehical Release | $20 |
| Towing | $85 |
| Total | $205 |
Do I really need a lawyer?
Even my lawyer couldn't truthfully answer this question, but he was good at selling himself because even though he isn't a criminal lawyer per se, he had done a few DUI cases, had experience we the court precinct I was assigned to and even knew the judge pretty well. But still, my case is cut and dry, there's no way he's going to cut any of the costs involved, he can try and get points reduced and maybe reduce the probation time. But chances are I will get that anyway if I stand on my own since this is a first offense with no other bad marks on my driving record. With all of the other costs just starting to be realized I was back and forth on this for awhile.
That fact that he did know the court, that and I am an imbecile when it comes to new situations like this I figured it is probably worth having him, even at the hefty fee of $1500. A fee that he was adamant be paid asap. I didn't have those kind of funds available so we agreed to break it into 3 payments, but still asap.
With this and other unexpected bills piling up quickly I needed to work on some financial changes, quickly. I had some zero interest loans for home improvement stuff earlier this year that was eating up my monthly income, making more payments on top of those was not going to last long. And with all this new expense there was no way I was going to pay those loans off before they expired and all the accrued interest gets slammed on me. I needed a debt consolidation loan. Pile up my existing debt into something I can afford so I can afford to shell out a bunch of money for these new debts. Great plan.
It worked though, I didn't have to miss any payments on anything and I was able to pay the lawyer and many other fees that I'll explain in the next post. There was one heart stopping moment while finalizing the loan after it was all approved... they needed a copy of my drivers license! I don't have a drivers license, all I have is a piece of paper that says OWI all over it. I didn't mention that to the loan officer and just faxed over my passport with an explanation that I lost my drivers license and was waiting for a replacement. It all worked out fine, but that was an eye opener! I've never not had a drivers license to use as a photo ID.
Costs:
That fact that he did know the court, that and I am an imbecile when it comes to new situations like this I figured it is probably worth having him, even at the hefty fee of $1500. A fee that he was adamant be paid asap. I didn't have those kind of funds available so we agreed to break it into 3 payments, but still asap.
With this and other unexpected bills piling up quickly I needed to work on some financial changes, quickly. I had some zero interest loans for home improvement stuff earlier this year that was eating up my monthly income, making more payments on top of those was not going to last long. And with all this new expense there was no way I was going to pay those loans off before they expired and all the accrued interest gets slammed on me. I needed a debt consolidation loan. Pile up my existing debt into something I can afford so I can afford to shell out a bunch of money for these new debts. Great plan.
It worked though, I didn't have to miss any payments on anything and I was able to pay the lawyer and many other fees that I'll explain in the next post. There was one heart stopping moment while finalizing the loan after it was all approved... they needed a copy of my drivers license! I don't have a drivers license, all I have is a piece of paper that says OWI all over it. I didn't mention that to the loan officer and just faxed over my passport with an explanation that I lost my drivers license and was waiting for a replacement. It all worked out fine, but that was an eye opener! I've never not had a drivers license to use as a photo ID.
Costs:
| Bond | $100 |
| Vehical Release | $20 |
| Towing | $85 |
| Lawyer | $1500 |
| Total | $1705 |
The bills start piling in
And many are completely unjustified. Sure everyone knows a DUI is going to cost you a bundle, but you might be surprised at how many different people have their hand out simply because you f*cked up. They know that you just want to make this go away so you can get back on with life. They also know exactly how much they can get away with charging you if you are employed, a home owner, married, etc. In every aspect of dealing with this it has always been apparent that the only thing anyone cares about is getting money. The court even had a mandatory financial profile sheet that I had to fill out that included income, debts and assets. It wasn't very specific requiring financiers or account numbers so it was pretty easy to pad it in the red as far as debt to income, which isn't that far from fact in my case, but I highly doubted it would be checked nor make any difference in my fees. I'm sure I was being charged the maximum allowable fees for the offense. While most of the fees might be standardized by law, spreading the wealth is not, and there is a plethora of 3rd parties that they can order you to pay. Like drug testing companies (owned by people with ties to the court), counseling, community service (yes even this costs money) and court rehabilitation programs (founded by a judge).
The first bill I got in the mail was from the police station for $450. Talk about unjustified! This is a tax-payer funded public police department, how can they bill me directly? They called it a Cost Recovery Invoice and clearly stated that "this invoice is in addition to all court costs and fines". They are charging me for pulling me over and incarcerating me?... as I double checked the envelope looking for a packet of anal lubricant! I even tried to fight this fee by asking what the Cost Recovery fee is for a speeding violation, "there is none", well that's what I was pulled over for so I shouldn't be charged this fee. I was talking to a brick wall.
The next one came from the state and was poetically named Driver Responsibility Fee with some law codes so you knew there was no getting out of it and that some governor signed this into law at some point. This one is for $500, again over and above any other fines levied for the offense. Where does this money go? And something that they don't immediately specify on the bill is that this is 1/2 of the total fee, they bill you again 6 months later for another $500. I'm helping somebody enjoy their yacht no doubt. They do allow a payment plan if you call, and they are quite friendly about it. I used that to reduce the shock of this expense to $100 per month.
At this point I cringed every time I checked the mail. What's next? Well there's a Drivers License Reinstatement fee of $125, to be paid to the Secretary of State at the end of the license restriction, which in my case was 3 months.
A couple local DUI lawyers sent me some ads in the mail, which was disturbing. I guess this is all public record now, but I didn't realize that it would be that public. I worried what else I would get.
Costs:
The first bill I got in the mail was from the police station for $450. Talk about unjustified! This is a tax-payer funded public police department, how can they bill me directly? They called it a Cost Recovery Invoice and clearly stated that "this invoice is in addition to all court costs and fines". They are charging me for pulling me over and incarcerating me?... as I double checked the envelope looking for a packet of anal lubricant! I even tried to fight this fee by asking what the Cost Recovery fee is for a speeding violation, "there is none", well that's what I was pulled over for so I shouldn't be charged this fee. I was talking to a brick wall.
The next one came from the state and was poetically named Driver Responsibility Fee with some law codes so you knew there was no getting out of it and that some governor signed this into law at some point. This one is for $500, again over and above any other fines levied for the offense. Where does this money go? And something that they don't immediately specify on the bill is that this is 1/2 of the total fee, they bill you again 6 months later for another $500. I'm helping somebody enjoy their yacht no doubt. They do allow a payment plan if you call, and they are quite friendly about it. I used that to reduce the shock of this expense to $100 per month.
At this point I cringed every time I checked the mail. What's next? Well there's a Drivers License Reinstatement fee of $125, to be paid to the Secretary of State at the end of the license restriction, which in my case was 3 months.
A couple local DUI lawyers sent me some ads in the mail, which was disturbing. I guess this is all public record now, but I didn't realize that it would be that public. I worried what else I would get.
Costs:
| Bond | $100 |
| Vehicle Release | $20 |
| Towing | $85 |
| Lawyer | $1500 |
| Police Dept Cost Recovery Fee | $450 |
| State 1/2 of Driver Responsibility Fee | $500 |
| SOS License Reinstatement Fee | $125 |
| Total | $2780 |
First time in court
I have never been inside a court. Never even been called for jury duty. All I know about court is from TV shows like Law & Order and Judge Judy. Walking in is like airport security, take off all metal, put it in a bin and walk through a metal detector. Belt included, but you can leave your shoes on. Don't bring in a cell phone with a camera or any type of drink, they will send you back out. Then there are all these plexiglass windows for different things, few occupied, and a cubical farm behind them. Theres a billboard with the different judges and printouts of the dockets with names and times under each along with some codes for each name that probably mean something to someone. My name was on the docket under my judge for the correct time that I was supposed to have my plea.
My lawyer showed up and knew a whole bunch of people who worked there. He got the police report and we sat down and reviewed it. It was pretty standard stuff for an OWI. I was to plead guilty and hope for reduced points on my license and minimum probation time. Fines and court costs not reduced however. The judge even recognized my lawyer and said "always nice having you in my court", which was a tiny relief. The whole judge thing went really quick, I had to say "I understand" about 10 times and finally "yes, I'm guilty".
After that we had to check in at one of the windows where there was a really backwards and complicated profiling test I had to take. All of the questions where in a book, each one multiple choice, in normal book order but the answer sheet was in columns going down and then from right to left. Completely backwards. Many of the questions were really weird too, like "When was the last time you thought about suicide? O Within 1 month. O Within 1 year. O Within the last 10 years. O Often. O Never. WTH? And if you weren't super careful with the backwards-columns thing it was really easy to pick the wrong circle to fill in. I learned later on that I had indeed answered, or filled in the wrong circle on a couple of the questions. One was something about a prior felony which I'm sure I meant to answer no as I've never have anything more than a speeding ticket, but they asked me about it. The other that they (or the computer) said I answered wrong was "How many months did you work last year?" and I answered "12", which isn't incorrect... I never got an answer as to why that one was flagged.
I had to sign papers on my license restriction and got a copy of the dos and don'ts. Basically, for 3 months I can drive to and from work, to doctors or hospitals and to court or mandatory meetings/appointments. Anything else I need to have a signed note as to what and why or else I go to jail. I didn't take any chances with this. If I had to go get parts for work I typed up a quick note with the date and where I was going and had the boss sign it. It's interesting to note that my cell phone, the only number I ever give out on any of this paperwork, got two really weird texts from two different people right about this time. The text just had a download button, but they weren't from anyone who would ever send me a download and one of the people never even text me. The download just had a progress bar and I never let it finish as I didn't know what it was. I checked with the contacts who it was sent from and they had nothing, they never send me any text on that date. Really odd. I went and virus checked my phone, turned off GPS and tightened up security on it thinking how easy it would be for the cops to track my every move with my phone. Just a stop at CVS for a pack of gum and I'm in violation of my restricted license! Boom, more money! I'm speculating here.
Other papers to sign was weekly drug testing I now had to do, which I got nervous about. I have a Medical Marijuana card, which is legal in my state, and use weed pretty much every night so I asked my lawyer about it. He said I need to talk to the prosecutor or the testing place about it. So I asked again at the prosecutor window and they said to make sure I show my card to the drug testing place. The drug testing place is called JAMS and I didn't have any option to choose a different place.
No new costs at this point, surprisingly.
My lawyer showed up and knew a whole bunch of people who worked there. He got the police report and we sat down and reviewed it. It was pretty standard stuff for an OWI. I was to plead guilty and hope for reduced points on my license and minimum probation time. Fines and court costs not reduced however. The judge even recognized my lawyer and said "always nice having you in my court", which was a tiny relief. The whole judge thing went really quick, I had to say "I understand" about 10 times and finally "yes, I'm guilty".
After that we had to check in at one of the windows where there was a really backwards and complicated profiling test I had to take. All of the questions where in a book, each one multiple choice, in normal book order but the answer sheet was in columns going down and then from right to left. Completely backwards. Many of the questions were really weird too, like "When was the last time you thought about suicide? O Within 1 month. O Within 1 year. O Within the last 10 years. O Often. O Never. WTH? And if you weren't super careful with the backwards-columns thing it was really easy to pick the wrong circle to fill in. I learned later on that I had indeed answered, or filled in the wrong circle on a couple of the questions. One was something about a prior felony which I'm sure I meant to answer no as I've never have anything more than a speeding ticket, but they asked me about it. The other that they (or the computer) said I answered wrong was "How many months did you work last year?" and I answered "12", which isn't incorrect... I never got an answer as to why that one was flagged.
I had to sign papers on my license restriction and got a copy of the dos and don'ts. Basically, for 3 months I can drive to and from work, to doctors or hospitals and to court or mandatory meetings/appointments. Anything else I need to have a signed note as to what and why or else I go to jail. I didn't take any chances with this. If I had to go get parts for work I typed up a quick note with the date and where I was going and had the boss sign it. It's interesting to note that my cell phone, the only number I ever give out on any of this paperwork, got two really weird texts from two different people right about this time. The text just had a download button, but they weren't from anyone who would ever send me a download and one of the people never even text me. The download just had a progress bar and I never let it finish as I didn't know what it was. I checked with the contacts who it was sent from and they had nothing, they never send me any text on that date. Really odd. I went and virus checked my phone, turned off GPS and tightened up security on it thinking how easy it would be for the cops to track my every move with my phone. Just a stop at CVS for a pack of gum and I'm in violation of my restricted license! Boom, more money! I'm speculating here.
Other papers to sign was weekly drug testing I now had to do, which I got nervous about. I have a Medical Marijuana card, which is legal in my state, and use weed pretty much every night so I asked my lawyer about it. He said I need to talk to the prosecutor or the testing place about it. So I asked again at the prosecutor window and they said to make sure I show my card to the drug testing place. The drug testing place is called JAMS and I didn't have any option to choose a different place.
No new costs at this point, surprisingly.
Drug Testing at JAMS
JAMS is a joke. It is an unorganized debacle of mixed up paperwork and people who would much rather be someplace else. The "facilities" are located in tiny micro offices in various strip malls and there are quite a few locations. When you first go in it is called "intake". You show them your court ordered testing print out, drivers license (temporary in my case) and a photo ID (passport in my case). I also showed them my Medical Marijuana card and they photo copied everything. At no time did anyone ever say that my medical marijuana card was invalid or that I needed to stop smoking weed, but I'm still getting drug tested for it...
JAMS is strictly cash only, no personal checks and nothing larger than a $20 unless you are paying for credit (more on this in a minute). After your intake you will likely find that they don't know what you are there for when you go back in and they will ask you "what are you testing for?". It's an odd question first starting out so you need to learn the lingo:
Blow = is a breathalyser or BAC. A big machine right on the counter that you blow into first thing on your visit.
Drop = is where you get a printout with your name on it and go in the back bathroom to pee in a cup.
There are some other tests for hard stuff and an alcohol EtG piss test that costs a lot more but it seems that a first time OWI gets the Blow and Drop on every visit for $9 a visit (went up to $10 in 2014).
Don't be surprised that everyone in the place looks like their mom just died, you will get used to it. And it does not hurt at all to be really friendly to the employees and even get their name to start some small-talk each time you go in. They will remember you for it and the chances of them making mistakes (forgetting your paper work, handing you someone else's paperwork, asking what you test for, miscounting money, forgetting to log you in the book, etc, etc) goes down a little bit. You seriously need to double check them on everything unless you want to get a no-show or piss for someone else.
So how it works is during your intake they will assign you a color. The color is based on the frequency of your random testing per week. Certain colors for 1x, 2x, 3x per week. Then there are other colors depending on if you are doing AM or PM testing but I don't think they mix up the two. You will need to call or check their web site every day to see if your color is up and their hours are typically 6-9am and 5-7pm. No mercy if you are late, they lock the door. I was always AM testing so most of this is based on that.
When you go in the first thing to do is get in line at the desk (not the other line). Then sign in on the log book, pay and initial next to your name in another book. Then to blow you take a pre-made 1/2 straw, wait for them to enable the machine, when the machine says "blow" you put your straw into the port and blow until you see ++ on the display. Some places you need to blow your brains out before it will click, others you can practically blow in the general direction for a second and it will register - same exact type of machine, just different calibrations or something. Then it chews on your breath for a bit and finally displays .00 (hopefully). You do not want to use any mouth wash, smoke just before going in or have Baileys in your coffee obviously. They can and will trigger a positive. I actually got a positive due to mouthwash on one of my first tests, they made me sit for 15 minutes and then they enabled the 3 point accuracy with a print out on the machine and it still came up as .003. I was very worried about that at the time, but I never heard anything more on it.
Next you get your printout to drop, make sure it has your name on it. I lost track of how many times I was handed someone else's sheet. Then either go stand in the other line to drop, or sit and wait to be called, depending on the location. This part can take awhile but there are all kinds of printouts and posters all over the walls to read and get caught up on this testing process. When you are called back you will need to sign your sheet and fill in your birth date. You will also initial the piece of anti-tamper tape they put on the cup, sometimes before, sometimes after you drop depending on the location. They hand you the cup and you go in a bathroom with 3 large mirrors on each wall. Don't even bother freaking out about the mirrors, they look, who cares, but it's always guys for guys and ladies for ladies for the drop testing so no big deal. There is a good chance that one time you will not pee enough in the cup, this WILL freak you out because they toss it out and you will have to re-drop. Either you wait around there, or take off, slam a bunch of water and go back. Either way you now have a mental paranoia about peeing on demand!
Here's a trick to get over that: Don't try and pee in the cup. Relax and only concentrate on your bladder and think how full it must be. Boom, works every time, for me.
Fill a little over half and you are good. Sometimes you take the cup out and sometimes they reach in and grab it from you, which is really annoying if you ask me. Then say "have a nice day", go out to wash your hands (the sinks in the bathroom are disabled) and you are on your way.
JAMS allows you to run a credit, as long as you pay cash up front, and I recommend it. If you know you are going to be testing 1x per week for 3 months you can throw them $120 cash and get a credit log sheet. Keep this log sheet with you and they will fill it out each time you go in and deduct from the balance. Not only do you not have to worry about having cash but you also get a log of all your visits, date, time, bac, location and employee as a redundant backup in case something gets mixed up. Plus their math isn't always so sharp, sometimes they add to the CR rather than subtract! When you fill out the log in sheet you just put CR in the fee paid box. Very handy if you can afford it up front.
It's not ironic that JAMS is owned by one of the court judges, managed by their spouse and yet is always court ordered for any drug and/or alcohol offense. Judge Brian W. MacKenzie
JAMS is strictly cash only, no personal checks and nothing larger than a $20 unless you are paying for credit (more on this in a minute). After your intake you will likely find that they don't know what you are there for when you go back in and they will ask you "what are you testing for?". It's an odd question first starting out so you need to learn the lingo:
Blow = is a breathalyser or BAC. A big machine right on the counter that you blow into first thing on your visit.
Drop = is where you get a printout with your name on it and go in the back bathroom to pee in a cup.
There are some other tests for hard stuff and an alcohol EtG piss test that costs a lot more but it seems that a first time OWI gets the Blow and Drop on every visit for $9 a visit (went up to $10 in 2014).
Don't be surprised that everyone in the place looks like their mom just died, you will get used to it. And it does not hurt at all to be really friendly to the employees and even get their name to start some small-talk each time you go in. They will remember you for it and the chances of them making mistakes (forgetting your paper work, handing you someone else's paperwork, asking what you test for, miscounting money, forgetting to log you in the book, etc, etc) goes down a little bit. You seriously need to double check them on everything unless you want to get a no-show or piss for someone else.
So how it works is during your intake they will assign you a color. The color is based on the frequency of your random testing per week. Certain colors for 1x, 2x, 3x per week. Then there are other colors depending on if you are doing AM or PM testing but I don't think they mix up the two. You will need to call or check their web site every day to see if your color is up and their hours are typically 6-9am and 5-7pm. No mercy if you are late, they lock the door. I was always AM testing so most of this is based on that.
When you go in the first thing to do is get in line at the desk (not the other line). Then sign in on the log book, pay and initial next to your name in another book. Then to blow you take a pre-made 1/2 straw, wait for them to enable the machine, when the machine says "blow" you put your straw into the port and blow until you see ++ on the display. Some places you need to blow your brains out before it will click, others you can practically blow in the general direction for a second and it will register - same exact type of machine, just different calibrations or something. Then it chews on your breath for a bit and finally displays .00 (hopefully). You do not want to use any mouth wash, smoke just before going in or have Baileys in your coffee obviously. They can and will trigger a positive. I actually got a positive due to mouthwash on one of my first tests, they made me sit for 15 minutes and then they enabled the 3 point accuracy with a print out on the machine and it still came up as .003. I was very worried about that at the time, but I never heard anything more on it.
Next you get your printout to drop, make sure it has your name on it. I lost track of how many times I was handed someone else's sheet. Then either go stand in the other line to drop, or sit and wait to be called, depending on the location. This part can take awhile but there are all kinds of printouts and posters all over the walls to read and get caught up on this testing process. When you are called back you will need to sign your sheet and fill in your birth date. You will also initial the piece of anti-tamper tape they put on the cup, sometimes before, sometimes after you drop depending on the location. They hand you the cup and you go in a bathroom with 3 large mirrors on each wall. Don't even bother freaking out about the mirrors, they look, who cares, but it's always guys for guys and ladies for ladies for the drop testing so no big deal. There is a good chance that one time you will not pee enough in the cup, this WILL freak you out because they toss it out and you will have to re-drop. Either you wait around there, or take off, slam a bunch of water and go back. Either way you now have a mental paranoia about peeing on demand!
Here's a trick to get over that: Don't try and pee in the cup. Relax and only concentrate on your bladder and think how full it must be. Boom, works every time, for me.
Fill a little over half and you are good. Sometimes you take the cup out and sometimes they reach in and grab it from you, which is really annoying if you ask me. Then say "have a nice day", go out to wash your hands (the sinks in the bathroom are disabled) and you are on your way.
JAMS allows you to run a credit, as long as you pay cash up front, and I recommend it. If you know you are going to be testing 1x per week for 3 months you can throw them $120 cash and get a credit log sheet. Keep this log sheet with you and they will fill it out each time you go in and deduct from the balance. Not only do you not have to worry about having cash but you also get a log of all your visits, date, time, bac, location and employee as a redundant backup in case something gets mixed up. Plus their math isn't always so sharp, sometimes they add to the CR rather than subtract! When you fill out the log in sheet you just put CR in the fee paid box. Very handy if you can afford it up front.
It's not ironic that JAMS is owned by one of the court judges, managed by their spouse and yet is always court ordered for any drug and/or alcohol offense. Judge Brian W. MacKenzie
What driving with a .100 BAC and later testing positive for weed got me.
Here is a summary all the crap the court has put me through.
So far all of the people I've met in AA that have had a DUI have had more than one DUI, not a lot of them, not even most of them, ALL of them!
Just 3 or 4 beers is all it takes to blow a .08 and that's all they need... BAC Charts
Some tips I've learned along the way:
1) Keep all of your paper work. Especially stuff you have had signed. PO's will try to take your paper work. Ask them to make copies and let you keep the originals. Reason is: if you don't have it, someone else can loose it, and you'll have to do it all over again.
2) Stay positive. It's a big bunch of bull shit but take it in stride and try to always talk about it in a positive light. Negativity will only make things worse.
3) Your PO isn't always going to guide you. I've heard many stories of people violating their probation due to being late with community service because they forgot about it or didn't get their sheet from the PO until late in the sentence. Be it sketchy stories or PO's jerking around, either way it's in your best interest to stay on top of things.
4) Stand your ground in AA, there are a lot of people who will pounce on you if you seem at all weak or insecure. They want to help but really they want to sell you the AA bible and get you into their religion. If that's your thing then fine, if not you will have to fend them off all the time. It sucks to be court ordered to put up with this kind of conflict and walking on egg shells at every meeting so you don't offend their delicate religion. For me this is by far the worst punishment of this whole ordeal.
5) If you have a Michigan Medical Mariana card get it revoked. It is beyond useless and you cannot buy a gun nor get a CPL if you have it.
Send a written request along with your card and a copy of your photo ID to
MMMW
P.O. box 30083
Lansing, MI 48909
They will send a letter back in about 2 weeks.
- When all is said and done I will have been drug tested about 100 times ($10 each).
- Holiday BAC (blow in a hand-held) testing ($5 each time) 5 to 8 times, both am and pm, on various holidays including the super bowl. Plan nothing but that on those holidays.
- (PRE-TREATMENT) I had to attend a mandatory 3 day pre-counseling class ($60) that trained you how to find and manipulate your way into substance abuse counseling. Counselors seem to be wary of people who are court ordered to go to counseling so you need to not entirely tell the truth to get in the door, and then tell them you are court ordered so they can report to your PO. This class is worse than useless and I recommend not using anything they say and just ask your PO to recommend one or pick one from the court list because anything else won't be accepted.
- (LIFE ADJUSTMENT) Go to 12 sessions of counseling (mine is $50 each).
- (AA - NA) Find and attend AA meetings two times a week and have someone there sign your AA attendance sheet for the court. ($1 donation each time) This runs the entire length of my 18 month probation and is quite frankly, hell. This is highly religious in nature and my personal take on it is that replacing something that makes you stupid with something designed to keep you stupid is just plain stupid. Aside from that, going to the same group all the time, I'm getting to know some of the people and most of them are pretty cool.
- Visit my parole officer (PO) once a month so they can copy my drug testing and AA meeting sheets and set the next date. Mine is friendly enough and so far straight-up about answering any questions I have. I always try to come up with questions each time I visit, usually stuff I already know the answer to, but just to confirm and double check so I don't get in any more trouble. After all the court fees are paid off my PO switched to every other month reporting in person. Then in the off months I filled out the report sheet, scanned that, my testing and AA sheets and email it to him. You can fax, email or snail mail around the middle of the month.
- 50 hours community service ($15 per day). You pay for this in your court fees so usually by the time you get to doing this it's already paid for. They give you a log sheet with a raised seal on it, treat it like gold because it's the only record you'll have of your service hours. Pick a place from the list of places, but pick wisely as some of them can suck. I chose a church and it usually consisted of a lot of cleaning and moving things around. I heard from others that the state parks are a workout (shoveling sh*t), High Schools are not bad and the police and fire stations are a nightmare.
- The cost total will be about $6000 when all is said and done.
So far all of the people I've met in AA that have had a DUI have had more than one DUI, not a lot of them, not even most of them, ALL of them!
Just 3 or 4 beers is all it takes to blow a .08 and that's all they need... BAC Charts
Some tips I've learned along the way:
1) Keep all of your paper work. Especially stuff you have had signed. PO's will try to take your paper work. Ask them to make copies and let you keep the originals. Reason is: if you don't have it, someone else can loose it, and you'll have to do it all over again.
2) Stay positive. It's a big bunch of bull shit but take it in stride and try to always talk about it in a positive light. Negativity will only make things worse.
3) Your PO isn't always going to guide you. I've heard many stories of people violating their probation due to being late with community service because they forgot about it or didn't get their sheet from the PO until late in the sentence. Be it sketchy stories or PO's jerking around, either way it's in your best interest to stay on top of things.
4) Stand your ground in AA, there are a lot of people who will pounce on you if you seem at all weak or insecure. They want to help but really they want to sell you the AA bible and get you into their religion. If that's your thing then fine, if not you will have to fend them off all the time. It sucks to be court ordered to put up with this kind of conflict and walking on egg shells at every meeting so you don't offend their delicate religion. For me this is by far the worst punishment of this whole ordeal.
5) If you have a Michigan Medical Mariana card get it revoked. It is beyond useless and you cannot buy a gun nor get a CPL if you have it.
Send a written request along with your card and a copy of your photo ID to
MMMW
P.O. box 30083
Lansing, MI 48909
They will send a letter back in about 2 weeks.
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