Drug Testing at JAMS

JAMS is a joke. It is an unorganized debacle of mixed up paperwork and people who would much rather be someplace else. The "facilities" are located in tiny micro offices in various strip malls and there are quite a few locations. When you first go in it is called "intake". You show them your court ordered testing print out, drivers license (temporary in my case) and a photo ID (passport in my case). I also showed them my Medical Marijuana card and they photo copied everything. At no time did anyone ever say that my medical marijuana card was invalid or that I needed to stop smoking weed, but I'm still getting drug tested for it...
JAMS is strictly cash only, no personal checks and nothing larger than a $20 unless you are paying for credit (more on this in a minute). After your intake you will likely find that they don't know what you are there for when you go back in and they will ask you "what are you testing for?". It's an odd question first starting out so you need to learn the lingo:
Blow = is a breathalyser or BAC. A big machine right on the counter that you blow into first thing on your visit.
Drop = is where you get a printout with your name on it and go in the back bathroom to pee in a cup.

There are some other tests for hard stuff and an alcohol EtG piss test that costs a lot more but it seems that a first time OWI gets the Blow and Drop on every visit for $9 a visit (went up to $10 in 2014).

Don't be surprised that everyone in the place looks like their mom just died, you will get used to it. And it does not hurt at all to be really friendly to the employees and even get their name to start some small-talk each time you go in. They will remember you for it and the chances of them making mistakes (forgetting your paper work, handing you someone else's paperwork, asking what you test for, miscounting money, forgetting to log you in the book, etc, etc) goes down a little bit. You seriously need to double check them on everything unless you want to get a no-show or piss for someone else.

So how it works is during your intake they will assign you a color. The color is based on the frequency of your random testing per week. Certain colors for 1x, 2x, 3x per week. Then there are other colors depending on if you are doing AM or PM testing but I don't think they mix up the two. You will need to call or check their web site every day to see if your color is up and their hours are typically 6-9am and 5-7pm. No mercy if you are late, they lock the door.  I was always AM testing so most of this is based on that.

When you go in the first thing to do is get in line at the desk (not the other line). Then sign in on the log book, pay and initial next to your name in another book. Then to blow you take a pre-made 1/2 straw, wait for them to enable the machine, when the machine says "blow" you put your straw into the port and blow until you see ++ on the display. Some places you need to blow your brains out before it will click, others you can practically blow in the general direction for a second and it will register - same exact type of machine, just different calibrations or something. Then it chews on your breath for a bit and finally displays .00 (hopefully). You do not want to use any mouth wash, smoke just before going in or have Baileys in your coffee obviously. They can and will trigger a positive. I actually got a positive due to mouthwash on one of my first tests, they made me sit for 15 minutes and then they enabled the 3 point accuracy with a print out on the machine and it still came up as .003. I was very worried about that at the time, but I never heard anything more on it.

Next you get your printout to drop, make sure it has your name on it. I lost track of how many times I was handed someone else's sheet. Then either go stand in the other line to drop, or sit and wait to be called, depending on the location. This part can take awhile but there are all kinds of printouts and posters all over the walls to read and get caught up on this testing process. When you are called back you will need to sign your sheet and fill in your birth date. You will also initial the piece of anti-tamper tape they put on the cup, sometimes before, sometimes after you drop depending on the location. They hand you the cup and you go in a bathroom with 3 large mirrors on each wall. Don't even bother freaking out about the mirrors, they look, who cares, but it's always guys for guys and ladies for ladies for the drop testing so no big deal. There is a good chance that one time you will not pee enough in the cup, this WILL freak you out because they toss it out and you will have to re-drop. Either you wait around there, or take off, slam a bunch of water and go back. Either way you now have a mental paranoia about peeing on demand!
Here's a trick to get over that: Don't try and pee in the cup. Relax and only concentrate on your bladder and think how full it must be. Boom, works every time, for me.
Fill a little over half and you are good. Sometimes you take the cup out and sometimes they reach in and grab it from you, which is really annoying if you ask me. Then say "have a nice day", go out to wash your hands (the sinks in the bathroom are disabled) and you are on your way.

JAMS allows you to run a credit, as long as you pay cash up front, and I recommend it. If you know you are going to be testing 1x per week for 3 months you can throw them $120 cash and get a credit log sheet. Keep this log sheet with you and they will fill it out each time you go in and deduct from the balance. Not only do you not have to worry about having cash but you also get a log of all your visits, date, time, bac, location and employee as a redundant backup in case something gets mixed up. Plus their math isn't always so sharp, sometimes they add to the CR rather than subtract! When you fill out the log in sheet you just put CR in the fee paid box. Very handy if you can afford it up front.

It's not ironic that JAMS is owned by one of the court judges, managed by their spouse and yet is always court ordered for any drug and/or alcohol offense.  Judge Brian W. MacKenzie  

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